If you have been watching Bigg Boss in the hope that its housemate Monica Bedi will reveal details about her romance with gangster Abu Salem, you would be a trifle disappointed. But the actress has finally told her story to Showtime magazine, in its latest issue which hits stands today.

For the first time, Monica breaks her silence on her life with Abu Salem, life in prison and her makeover to Ashwin Varde of Showtime magazine.

We present an excerpt:

I was at a common friend's house the night the first episode of Bigg Boss was being telecast. A few of us, all die-hard fans of the show (nothing satiates our voyeuristic instincts like this one), couldn't help cracking up even as Rahul Mahajan crowned himself the in-house guide and Ketaki Dave donned her maternal make-up. Sometime then, our host got a call from a close relative. On hearing the commotion around, he told my friend, "You can make fun of everyone. But don't say anything about Monica Bedi. You don't want to land up in trouble."

It was a casual comment that set me thinking, especially since I'd met Monica just the evening before she headed for the Bigg Boss house. The fear that comes along with her name is daunting and that really surprises me. Here's a woman, perhaps in her 30s, trying to live a new life. It's not about making a comeback anymore; for her, it's all about being accepted by the people she once mingled with. But somehow, her past keeps coming back to remind her of the harrowing times she's been through.

Even in her prime, Monica Bedi was never a star to reckon with. She became famous only after her romance with gangster Abu Salem became public knowledge. From then on, her story has been the kind that would inspire novels and movies; only in her case, all that she went through was real and ruthless. But after all the emotional and physical upheavals she has faced, Monica has still shown the courage to start afresh.

She made a few mistakes; everyone makes mistakes. She fell in love with the wrong man; it's not the first time that's happened to someone. But how many people really have the gumption to be forthcoming about their actions and sock life in its face by being willing to take another chance?

Only this time, Monica is ready for the adversities. The first thing she told me when we met was, "I'm going to tell you the true story but please, I'm trusting you and please put it exactly as I say it. Life is very tough for me. Please help me out. I know you can do wonders because your magazines reach out to everyone."

It was an honest plea from a woman who's trying hard to establish her identity all over again. She's not ashamed of the struggle she's going through -- right now, she lives in Mulund, a far-off place even from suburban Mumbai. She drives her own car; doesn't have a secretary yet; does her shopping in Lokhandwala's modest stores. "I thought people in Mumbai would accept me but even when I'm on the roads, I can sense them discussing me behind my back. There are some sniggers; some taunts. I just ignore them and carry on," she says.

This is the Monica Bedi story -- in her own words. There will be emotions; there will be tears; there will be antipathy and there will be sympathy too. What's most important is that Monica Bedi needs to be heard right now -- so leave your judgmental jargon for later.

How she started off:

I'm actually from Norway. I was born in Punjab but my family shifted to Norway when I was just one year old. I came to India on a holiday. I never planned to become an actress. But I was very inclined towards Indian classical dance. I was on a two-month holiday so I decided to learn some Kathak. I joined Gopi Kishan's classes and then I started getting offers.

How she met Abu Salem:

One day, I got a call from a guy in Dubai saying he was organising a show where he wanted me to do a stage performance. I said okay. He said he would get back to me after all the formalities were done.

Then, a few days later, he called up again and we talked for some time. A couple of days later, he called again. I began getting friendly with him over the phone. At that time, he gave me a different name. I didn't know he was Abu Salem. Actually, even if he had told me he was Abu Salem, I would've had no clue. I had only heard about Dawood Ibrahim and Chhota Shakeel. I'd never heard of Abu Salem.

How he hid her real identity from her:

After being to Dubai twice, when he invited me for the third time, I asked him to come to Mumbai instead. But he always kept giving me some excuse or the other.

He had introduced himself to me as Arsalan Ali -- that's the false identity he used often. Even the case that was going on or is still on is with regard to the same thing. He got caught in Portugal too over this identity. If he had used his real name, he would've been caught a long time back.

Finally, on my third trip to Dubai, he told me his real identity. He said his real name was Abu Salem and that he had a past. He said he wanted to change all that and start afresh. By that time, we were in love with each other.

The other side of Abu Salem -- According to Monica:

See, for me, he was always a normal guy. He was very nice to me. I never saw the grey side of him. I always saw him helping people. He's a kind-hearted person. I don't know about his past; I don't know what wrong he's done. I can only talk about what I saw of him. He was very possessive of me and he really respected me a lot. It wasn't a time-pass kind of a relationship, neither from his side nor mine.

We went to America; we both had never been there earlier. We thought we'd start all over again. His idea was to start organising shows over there legitimately. That was his dream. Believe me he was working really hard at it. He tried his best. But his past was something he couldn't erase and it always caught up with him.

When she wanted to end it:

I tried explaining to him [in Portugal] that things were not working out between us and we were two very different people. I told him many times that we had to find some way out of this. I didn't want to harm him at any point but at the same time, we couldn't be together.

He said, 'Give me time; let me settle down; let us be safe first. Then you can go.' We used to have these kinds of talks.

How she hid her relationship from her parents:

My parents actually came to know about us when we got arrested. They live in Norway; they are totally disconnected from this part of the world. It was a major shock for them. They knew I was seeing some guy but I'd lied to them. I had told them that my boyfriend was from America; his name was Sanjay and that he was a show organiser. They kept asking to meet him but I would keep pushing that off.

Her experience with Indian Law Enforcement Authorities:

I had no problems with the CBI or the police. They never misbehaved with me; there was not a single bad experience. Being in prison made me a stronger person. In Portugal, I started reading the Bible. I got to know about Christianity; I was bent towards the spiritual aspect of life. I always knew God was with me.

For more, log on to www.magnamags.com/showtime or pick up the latest issue of Showtime for the full interview.